Saturday, April 23, 2016

What almost losing my best friend taught me

So, a few months ago now I went through something that is perhaps worst than a break up. I almost lost my best friend. 
Well not quite, but few a good few weeks, it really did feel like I've lost my best friend. It was honestly one of the worst feeling ever. I'm sure, it hurt more than my one and only heartbreak - which if you haven't read about click here :) 
 It's soo cheesy but I can still remember the first day my best friend & I met in year 7, and even cheesier is I remember the day our 'best friendship' was confirmed. We was in year 9, it was my birthday and we met on 69 bus to go to school. She gave me card, and when I opened it, it said 'To my Best Friend On Her Birthday' and that was that. I think, one of the things I appreciated most was the gradual process of us becoming best friends, because it was a process, it was wasn't one of those, met her today and we are best friends tomorrow. We built up a solid foundation of friendship, understanding and trust, that led us to a place where now, 8 years later we are still best friend (been friends for about 10 years though - rah that's long when I write it down, it almost half my life). But I love it, I love when I bump into old school or even college friends and they look soo shocked when I tell them yeah we still speak. 

Anyway, brief history lesson done and fast forward to a few months ago. Without getting into it too tough, we hit a rough patch in our friendship, that I honestly wasn't sure we were going to get over. Thankfully we did (thanks to a smidgen of help from my 3 amazing mates Myra, Khads & Kamau). But the process of almost losing my best friend definitely taught me a few things.

One important thing I learnt was about myself and realised I need work on is the fact I'm slyly passive aggressive - heck I'm super passive aggressive and extremely sarcastic. That's not always good. It makes me hard to read, as often I'll say one thing but my body language and tone of voice is screaming the opposite. Plus my passive aggression often results in me insulting you through 'jokes' and constant sly digs. Which can plant seeds of doubt in people's head. It got to the point where I contributed, to my best friend feeling like she was a rubbish friend to me - which was the furthest thing from the truth. And even worse, when she told me, it made me feel like I was super rubbish friend.

Another important thing I learnt is when it comes to those you love and care about. There is NO place for stubbornness or pride. Ultimately it will be your down fall. Never ever, ever, let your stubbornness and pride get in the way of your friendships and relationships. I used to act like I didn't care as a defense and coping mechanism. But pretending not to care will honestly back fire - if you act like you don't care, others will eventually stop caring too. But you'll end up the one feeling it the most. I can guarantee that. As someone once said 'it's okay to lose your pride over someone you love, but never lose someone you love over your pride'  

But when friendships run deep, and you have a fresh and annoying best friend like mine; combined with the fact that I am also equally as fresh and annoying there's no getting rid. As many of my friends can account for - once we friends that's it. There's no going back. You are stuck with me life, whether you like it or not.

This whole thing has taught most importantly showing that you do have feelings, voicing your concerns and is soo important because them pent up feelings manifest themselves in ways you'd not even realise. Made me appreciate my best friend soo much more and really 1000% confirmed the notion that she is more than my best friend. She is my sister and my soul mate, my future children's Aunty/Godmother and someone who means soo much more to me than I could ever describe. She is someone who just gets me, I never have to try, force it or hid anything from. In fact, I think she's my boyfriend LOL. 

I guess its starting to be clear that I am a slight Disney fanatic. Anyway, the friendship between Tod (The Fox) and Cooper (The Hound) is the cutest thing. Total opposites but that doesn't stop them from sharing a bond, that if you've seen the movie is lifelong, despite the obstacles they had to face.

Plus do you know how awkward it is when no-one realizes you are in an awkward place with your best friend, and friends and family are constantly asking about her. Yeah that's no fun. I'm all like 'yeah, erm she's alive, just at at uni and work.' These times in my head I'm thinking, 'please shut up and stop asking me question as I have no idea.'

In this generation, with social media impacting our lives so much, it is important to remember we live in the real world. Just because, you see all these 'squad and friendship goals' all over FB, SC and Insta, doesn't mean that's what you have to aspire too. I constantly see picture of all these girls and their so-called best friends, but all they do is tun up and go on holiday, and you have to think is this a real friendship? A friendship to me is, someone who is always there to support you in your highest and lowest moments, someone who pushes and encourages you; someone who see all the good and potential in you, even when your struggling to see the light; someone who you can laugh, cry, sing, dance and nap with. Someone who will always keep it 100% with you, tell you stuff even if you don't wanna hear it, someone who you can tell your deepest, darkest and most disgusting secrets (the latter of which I have MANYYY) without worrying about it getting out to the world. Someone who you unequivocally, without a doubt, trust with your life.  A friendship to me, is all this and more. If you have a person in your life that, that all the friendship goals you need. Those are real friends you need to cherish. Don't worry about what you seen portrayed on social media, most of it is fake or super exaggerated. As long as you are happy and comfortable with the friendship you have your BFF and other friends, that all that matters.

So this is dedicated to my best friend. This is dedicated to Amina. I love you. I don't even think you know how much you inspire me & how confident you make me feel. I will forever cherish and persevere our friendship. Not many people can make me laugh the way you do - laugh until I cry, can't breathe and simultaneously fart. It's gross. And that's the note I'm ending on lol!

LOOL! I had too. A little throwback from, I think this might have actually been maybe year 9. I don't even know, We have definitely had our 'glo up' now.  

P.S: All my other friends who may read this, I love ya'll too & I appreciate the individualness of each our friendships!

So remember, keep smiling! And if you haven't let your best friend(s) know you love and cherish them in a while, do it now! I promise, it will mean soo much to them, then you could imagine.