Friday, January 01, 2016

NYE - Hit or Miss?

Everyone always makes such a big deal out of NYE, but does it ever live up to anyone's expectations? People always create such a hype of the NYE celebrations, but does anyone really know what they are celebrating or have they just brought into the idea of NYE and celebrating the end of another year with no deeper meaning? 

On NYE, I spent the night indoors third wheeling (as I do best) with my best friend and her boyfriend - I'm sure I am now a professional third wheeler - who else can relate/share my pain LOL? Anyway, whilst it sure beat staying at home alone, I pretended it was a great NYE but on the inside I was dying, not because I didn't want to be with my best friend but because being indoors whilst everyone was out having fun on NYE, just reminded me of all the times before that I had no motivation or desire to be anywhere but my bed, the times I would hide and seclude myself from the world, because the mere idea of having fun was at the time incomprehensible to me - how could I have fun when I had no desire to around anyone, no desire to talk to anyone, in fact I had pretty much no emotions at all. Plus, midnight kiss + third wheeling = some awkward silence and avoidance of eye contact for about a minute or two. I guess kissing yourself counts but doesn't really do anything to quash the realization, your still single haha.

While I'm not normally the biggest fan of going out clubbing, I kind of really wanted to go out for the first time on NYE, I know its overpriced, overrated and overly busy - I still kind of wanted to be around all my girl, dance around in heels we can't even walk in and dab in the clubs. For me, having spent much of 2015, 2014, 2013, and probably the year before that in the depths of my depression, I wanted to end 2015 and start 2016 with an over the top BANG! For me, going out on NYE more symbolised me going back to the fun loving, outgoing, confident girl I was before depression reared its ugly shadow over my life and in a weird way, say goodbye to the depressed girl and hello back to an ever growing and improving girl.

BUT on the plus side, it wasn't the worst NYE ever and I saved a lot of money, ate some good food. After leaving my best friend’s house, I went home and a little cry - come on now, it wouldn't be a celebration for a depressed person without a few tears. In the end, a quiet night in turned out to be exactly what I needed, first of all I didn't have a massive hangover was able to write this post. But it gave me time to think and evaluate what I wanted my 2016 to be like. I set some new goals, readjusted my focus and had a slight pep in step and life. I felt more concentrated and ready to tackle my problems head on. Who knew a crying session on NYE could be so beneficial, it was like my tears we’re all the bad times I had in 2015 finally washing away and allowing me to evolve into the woman I am supposed to be. So I guess, NYE for me, started off as a miss, but in hindsight it was definitely a hit!

Drop me some comments to let me know how your NYE was and remember Just smile!!
AK x